All the Same
by DenizenofTwilight
Summary: "The truth is the way we've all damaged the world… it can no longer hold soul mates." Sora prepares for another journey; Kairi realizes they'll never be able to be together. The two aim to lessen the other's pain, but will inevitably make it worse. NOT AU


**Author's Note: I do not own _Kingdom Hearts_. If I did...well, Sora and Kairi would have a lot more romantic moments. **

**I apologize for any mistakes. I've checked this over to the best of my ability. Hopefully my beta will be able to help me soon. **

**All the Same**

Kairi tossed and turned in her canopy bed as nightmare after nightmare assaulted her. At one point she grasped the lacey pink curtains that draped around her—curtains that Riku had always made fun of—in an iron grip. Kairi had never liked the feeling of lace against her flesh. Lace was too soft and it would seem she was too. Why had she ever aimed to put her mother's feelings above her own? Why had she allowed herself to keep the lacey curtains?

She knew without a doubt what the curtains exhibited—girly-ness, softness, unrealistic expectations—were the exact reasons she'd been left behind again.

_Sora..._ the girl thought sorrowfully. Suddenly hating herself, Kairi rose to her feet and put as much distance between herself and the rose colored curtains as she could. She ended up walking over to the full corner of her room where her balcony window resided. The curtains that ordained this window were a rose red color. Kairi reckoned that this manlier curtain (this curtain with coarser material) fit Sora like a tee. _No wonder he always snuck in through here_, she thought idly.

Thunder and lightning raged their never-ending war. As Kairi looked out the window, the times the curtains fell away because of harsh winds, she couldn't help but wonder if she'd always be left out of battles. The long fought battle between the thunder and lightning were not unlike the battle that raged between Sora and Xehanort.

There was nothing that she could do to aid the first war, but Kairi was certain she'd be able to aid Sora in someway. Or at least she had been until she'd lost the most important battle of all...

/

Kairi had wished that Sora would turn around to face her. Even at his angriest, his eyes (as blue as the sea) resonated a calmness; a knowing that things would work out in the end. Without that anchor Kairi felt... well, lost to sea. "Please say something. Please look at me." Kairi moaned pathetically.

Even with his back to her, Kairi could see the tears that fell from the love of her life. "You cheated on me." It wasn't that his words betrayed no emotion; rather, they held no emotion. His voice was as empty as her life soon would become.

"Only when I didn't remember you," Kairi said meekly. "It meant nothing!" Kairi herself was shocked to find herself yelling. She shrank away from her own words.

"And yet you're defensive." Sora chuckled darkly and Kairi felt a tugging on her memory, a time when someone connected to her had let loose a similar laugh. It was then that Kairi got her wish; in the end she should have never begged to see his face. She felt like she'd been cut with a knife. His eyes shone nothing except hatred. His eyes, unlike his words, showed all. "You were the one who said it'd be easier to be with Agni."

Kairi felt as though she could strangle Seplphie. She'd only told her that after Selphie had made her consider being with Agni. That had been his only positive on the list; Sora would always be the keeper of her heart. But Kairi never got the chance to tell him this. "What about what happened between you and Naminé? How's that different?" Kairi once again opted for defense, but she should have known not to combat the savior of the worlds.

Sora looked at her indignantly before spewing, "I thought she was _you_. And even then I chose you!"

There was that hatred again. Well, Kairi could make herself hate Sora too. "And I chose you!"

For just a moment he was the Sora she knew and loved. He smiled simply and said, "Thank you."

Kairi was at a loss for words when he walked over to her and put a strand of hair behind her hair. "I always liked your hair long, but I know that you prefer it short. You should cut it, Kai."

"Sor-"

Kairi had begun to question him, but he silenced her by putting a hand to her lips. "You shouldn't continue to wait for me."

Like a blind man seeing the light for the first time, the truth found Kairi in a similar fashion. "You're pushing me away for 'me' aren't you?"

"As much as I've tried to deny it, people are always telling me how pure my heart is. But it would lose itself to the darkness if I didn't try to set you free." Kairi gasped as she and Sora both fell onto the scorching sand below them. But Kairi couldn't even begin to care: Sora was holding her for what could be the very last time. He rubbed his arms over hers and kissed the crown of her head; Kairi fought the intensely growing urge to fall asleep as Sora began to hum.

"Why'd you try to lie to me, then?"

Sora's humming abruptly stopped. Kairi bizarrely tried to hold back laughter as his voice tickled her throat. "Because I knew you wouldn't move on if you believed I loved you. But our hearts are connected and you eventually would have figured it out. When you started yelling... I realized that I didn't want our last moments together to be like this."

This time Kairi was the one who laughed darkly." We were never meant to be were we?"

Even though she had been the one to initiate it, Kairi's heart still broke when Sora told the truth, "No."

That word would forever haunt Kairi. But it was Sora's wavering stance to never give up that troubled Kairi the most. "The truth is the way we've all damaged the world... it can no longer hold soul mates. In a perfect world we would have been together. I've fought to keep us together, but my charge makes it impossible. Kairi you're too pure to be tainted by my darkness. I want you to move on."

Kairi halted the soothing movements that Sora was still placing on her; she forced herself to look at him. Being together was more of an impossibility than being happy. The two adults would never attain happiness. But could they get rid of the extra weight? "I already have moved on." Sora's constant worrying of her was just another burden on his shoulders. Though it killed her to say it, (to even imagine it) Kairi knew she owed Sora some peace of mind.

She never knew just how much she killed him with her ascent.

"I won't be back." Kairi noted that Sora's voice sounded dry. It was the way she usually sounded when she had the flu. "The darkness doesn't know vacation and neither can I."

Totally disregarding his comment Kairi put the final nail in their coffin. "I want you to find someone else. Or more than one. Promise me, Sora!"

Sora must have seen something in her face because he regretfully agreed. Kairi had won their war, but really she'd lost it, hadn't she?

**Author's Note Deux: ****Sorry if the story seems to cut off. This was originally going to be a multi-chapter story. It was supposed to be about Sora and Kairi both changing drastically and trying to rediscover who they are when Sora's world saving finally ends. I don't know if I'll continue it, but I thought someone might like to read this as a one-shot. Expect more (happy) SoKai from me in the future.**

**May the light guide you.**

**-Shanna**


End file.
